Monster, Monster
by Alice L. Rem
Summary: Haine's bad dreams. Are they just dreams, or were they memories? HainexBadou, implied GxB rape don't look at me like that . Songfic Monster remix by Meg and Dia Rating T, don't think it's too bad...


**Title:** Monster, Monster  
**Fandom:** DOGS/DOGS:Bullets&Carnage  
**Rating:** T I don't think it's too bad…  
**Pairing/Characters:** HainexBadou, implied GxB rape… (yes, hate me all you want, I did it… whatcha gonna do?)

**Disclaimer:** Characters/Fandoms do not belong to me, they belong to the amazingly talented and highly revered Miwa Shirow. Song belongs to Meg and Dia

**Feedback:** Is appreciated and begged for!

**Notes:** So, I had a nightmare a while back, but when I woke up from it I couldn't remember what happened. Well, a couple nights ago I had it again and I woke up and had to write it down. I was following Haine, I guess I was Naoto in this… but it's yeah, you should get the implications from the fic. I used a lot more description then actual words, so I hope everyone got the story behind it and all. I had been listening to Monster Remix by Meg and Dia (I was going to put up a video of a still image with song to it, because I couldn't find any AMV's that had the full song, but it won't let me put it : ( so, oh well, just look it up under "Meg and Dia- monster techno remix" and you'll find it, it's a good song, check it out. ) I love it a lot but I never found proper lyrics, I ended up having to rewrite them and all. Bold is the lyrics. I kind of like how I portrayed Giovanni in this because I think a lot of people get him wrong when they just assume him to be evil, he's evil because he wants recognition from the woman that has denied him love from the beginning. So I go from third person to Giovanni's perspective twice through it, so when it just says "me" or "my" or something of the source it is Giovanni speaking, just so no one gets confused. Anyway, enjoy. :)

* * *

**Monster Monster**

**Monster Monster**

**Monster**

_"You're not a monster Haine, if you were how could you smile at Nill so softly?"_

_Unspoken but the implication is caught: "A smile you never give me."_

**How Should I feel?**

**Creatures lie here**

**Looking through the window**

Wandering pools of blood, his eyes roamed the dark room. What could have awoken him? Was it the dream? What was he dreaming anyway? Badou still lay next to him, stomach down, hand resting gently on his arm keeping Haine from leaving him. He shifted in the lumpy yet somehow comfortable bed. Haine glanced to the small window at his right the thin glass covered by a thin sheet shielding his eyes from thin moonbeams. He slowly lay back down staring at the damaged and broken ceiling, in a way it was comforting… he wasn't the only thing in need of repair around here.

**Monster**

**How Should I feel?**

**Creatures Lie Here**

**Looking through the window**

_"Haine, You live differently from the rest of us. Don't let your demons hold you back."_

_"What demons, Bishop? I thought you had purged me of them."_

_"There is no way to purge the demons you dare not forget about."_

**Monster**

**How Should I feel?**

**Creatures lie here**

**Looking through the window**

Manic deprived laughter. Why does it draw Haine in so? Why does it sound so lulling, pulling him into the snake pit, the lion's den? Why is he lured by that which could kill him yet hasn't? Why hasn't he killed that which creates this tempting song? Haine does not know. (**Ch ch check this out !**) The laughter stops, bodies drop, the cigarette smoke finally returns giving sanity back to Haine's deviously beautiful siren. "His" in the loosest term.

**His little whispers.**

"**Love Me. Love Me.**

**That's all I ask for.**

**Love Me. Love Me."**

**He battered his tiny fists to feel something.**

**Wondered what it's like to touch and feel something.**

Why is he allowed love? Why is that one, the one that has been given everything and is not even grateful for it, given love!? It is not fair! Why can't mother love me too? Haven't I done all she asks? Haven't I given her what she wants (only with the exception of _**him**_?), why does she yet to accept me? Why? Why? Why won't she love me… and then him! Why does he also gain love from HIM! That red haired psychotic man, the one with the hollow smile and secrets behind black cloth and sneering smoke! And then the holy man with the sightless eyes and the quiet smile or the angel sent from a lifeless god who cannot speak.

_Why doth thou hate me!_

You give everything you can to the child who does not love you back, who does not accept you, wish for your love? Why!

Why…

**Monster.**

**How should I feel?**

**Creatures lie here.**

**Looking through the window.**

Green eye sparkles in the pitch black room. No light source. So alive. That which only _his_ eye can hold. Haine's cannot hold that light any longer and he looks away. Long fingered porcelain hands draw his gaze back to the eye which he has averted his gaze from. If God is real, then he should have that light in his eyes… or he is no God to Haine. That look, one of pure trust, of hope, of life… of unconditional love (no "do this and I will love you" attached). That love which only shines through on dark nights like these (where no one else sees), nights that are interrupted by corrupted tears and deadly laughter ("Lily, oh Lily… forgive me… please… I hate you mother." "Brother, where are you?").

Oh so bold that look is to hold down the caged beast, to reign him back in with only one bat of his long lashes. How striking the green iris against nothing, against black night or pale translucent skin. That which holds the leash around his neck, which locks it in place and throws away the key. As a result, that which cannot be destroyed is reduced to a mere shivering man under the control of another that can push away those images of long blonde hair and deprived laughter. Minimized by roaming fingertips and soft whispers of unspoken love from the one underneath the gaze of eyes dyed the color of his enemies blood. In these nights, when the light shines only from that eye is when Haine knows he is, somewhere in his indestructible, inescapable body, in fact partially human.

**That night he caged her.**

**Bruised and broke her.**

**He struggled closer.**

**Then he stole her.**

**Violet wrists and then her ankles.**

**Silent Pain. (ch ch check this out)**

**Then he slowly saw their nightmares were his dreams**.

Clawed fingers digging into pale skin. Skin that does not belong to me, even in contract. This skin, the other's body does not even belong to himself, it belongs to my older brother, the brother I hate.

_Why is he allowed love? _

Strangled cries from a throat that should not be working under the pressure of my inhuman hand. Heart rate accelerating, breathing rapidly increasing, no tears will fall. Why can't I make those tears fall? They can fall from my own dead eyes, why not from the ones of the living man with blood color hair? That green eye is piercing "Stop looking at me!" Words escape my own mouth continuing the bloody chore set upon me by my own delusional mind. Break him, break him, break him!

_So alive. That which only _his_ eye can hold._

Why won't he break! I do all that I can to break him, even that which only brother has done to him! Yet he doesn't look away. His eye still holds a burning light (the sun burning wax wings). Stop looking at me with that eye!

_Why doth thou hate me mother?_

**Monster.**

**How should I feel?**

**Creatures lie here.**

**Looking through the windows.**

**I will.**

**Hear their voices.**

**I'm a glass child.**

**I am Hannah's regrets.**

Searching, running. Haine's control is lost with the man who holds his life. No one knows where he has gone, where has his life disappeared to? Badou. Where is he? Gone into nothing? Impossible.

_Oh so bold that look is to hold down the caged beast. To go missing and break a control so hard to maintain._

Don't think too hard, the dog will howl ("Who has stolen my sanity!?") and might scare the thief into further reaches. He knows someone follows. The Blade Maiden close enough to hear her breath, but far enough to not intrude. She is a mere spectator, wishing to see the Black Dog rear its head.

_That which holds the leash around his neck, which locks it in place and throws away the key is lost. _

The dark lair is found in the underside of the street, away from the deep prying eyes. This scent is familiar, the scent of an ignored childhood. Memories long suppressed brought forward.

_Blonde hair and deprived laughter float amongst your halls._

The whispers seem to echo from the walls. Haine cannot stand this fear, this anger, these human feelings he wishes he did not have.

"Hello again brother." Sneering lips speak from the ceiling, from the floor, from the very air. Pushing forwards searching the dark rooms ahead, the Maiden moves slyly behind him.

_No sound, no sound, where are you oh flutter of wings?_

"Where have you hidden him Giovanni!?" the cry echo's through the concrete walls reaching unknown ears. Shrill snickering.

"Such a child dear elder brother. He is right in front of you." Feet stop short eyes go wide. "You're just in time for him, brother. It seems, though, I have finally managed to break your toy."

**Monster.**

**How should I feel?**

Blooded mess, blooded hands, staining floors.

_Can we make it, can we make it?_

Feet stomping, heart pounding, breathing… breathing…

_I can't breathe; I suffocate on the pain that is not mine._

Blade Maiden, Black Dog, bloody body. When did it cease to be a person and become a body? It breathes and beats its blood onto cloth and tile alike, but when did it cease its human functions?

_His eye still holds a burning light (the sun burning wax wings)._

That light so dim, its blaze gone smothered down to a gentle flicker.

_Move faster, faster, faster!_

Oh Holy Man, one who denounces god in his head yet still wears the robes (a wolf in lambs fleece), save this body. Oh Angel, tiny angel whose wings yet to mature (artificial in creation but not in substance), hold back the rage, the dog. Give him some sense of sanity while the other battles back death. But you cannot do that little one.

_If God is real, then he should have that light in his eyes._

You are not as cherubic as once perceived, though your wings prove your virtue, only the eyes of a fallen angel re-ascended can hold that light. Sorry little one, you are too pure to hold that light. She looks away, she knows there is nothing she can do to hold his eyes. She knows there is no way to hold him back when he needs his release, no way to keep him from the pain.

**Turn the sheets down.**

**Murder ears with pillow lace.**

That light still burned. He was released when the light still burned! No! I can't allow it, brother must suffer what I have! He must lose that which he cherishes most! Lose that last semblance of control, of sanity, of humanity. Maybe then… maybe then he will come back to his true family… and mother will love me for bringing him back.

_She will love me._

_"Love me, love me._

_That's all I ask for,_

_Love me, love _me_, mother."_

**There's bath tubs.**

**Full of glow flies.**

Church candles burn, the Dog paces, the Blade waits, the Angel wishes to weep. The Bishop returns. Eyes unseeing, but mouth shows it all. Smiling, peaceful.

"Alive, is the nature of the broken angel of death." No need for metaphors. Alive was all that was needed. Feet pound. Heart cries. Eyes focus. Control is regained.

_Death lives to see another day._

**Bathe in kerosene.**

**Their words tattoed in his veins, (here it comes) yeah.**

Hands hold hands, his forehead resting against the other.

_Long fingered porcelain hands draw his gaze._

Blood grazes emerald. Contact, the light roars to life. The room is emptied except for them. Fingertips graze skin. Whispered words of trite conversation, eyes speak of the truth (of the pain once felt). Fingernails and canine teeth, velvet lips and glowing eye.

_I see, oh dead white eye, that which you don't, you know not of what became of me._

Unsteady hands fixing broken pieces that cannot be seen; putting together the puzzle of the heart, not the body. Shaky, scared…

"It's alright Haine, I am still here… you think I'd die before you?"

_Whom do you reassure, who truly needs the healing?_

**Monster. (Monster)**

**How should I feel? (How should I feel?)**

Cooling touch, body temperatures dropping to normal, catching breath.

"Feel better now?" Bruised lips whisper, Haine nods softly, head resting in the crook of a bony shoulder and flesh neck. "Thought you would… I'll admit I don't feel half bad anymore either." Click of a lighter and the smell of smoke now mingles with stale air. "So, you didn't tell me what the nightmare was about anyway. Gonna let me in on it, or is it a secret."

"I couldn't save you…." Haine mumbled.

"Hmm?" Badou inquired trying to get a look at Haine's face.

"Forget it moron, it was just some memory was all." Badou rolled his eyes but let it go, he knew better then to press Haine about his freaky memories.

**Creatures lie here. (Creatures lie here)**

**Looking through the window. (Looking through the window)**

Watching curtains from the street level, knowing that big brother won't open them. He is too high on physical need right now to use his dog senses. Maybe I'll come back later to play. That sounds good.

**(Looking through the window)**

**(Looking through the window)**

_"Life and death and hate and love. They are all human emotions. You feel them, whether you show it or not, you feel 'em. Just another example on how you are not a monster Haine, as often as you have to satisfy some strange psychological need telling yourself that you are, you aren't. So quite lyin' already."_


End file.
